I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
