My sheets look like a crime scene.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
