Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
