I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
