just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
