Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
