Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
