I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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