I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
