Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
