My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
