Your mouth is God's brothel.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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