i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
