So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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