you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
