hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
