Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
