i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
