we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
