I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
