This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
