Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
just found out that she named her cat after me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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