I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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