And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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