it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
