My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
