She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
