just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
