Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Let's get the cat blown out
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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