Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
