My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
