do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
