I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
