He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
