when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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