im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
