barbara walters just said penis...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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