Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
