tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
