he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
