my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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