And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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