I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
