You're a womanizer and a bitch.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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