well you can't waste a boner
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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