I hate your face
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
