i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My bed smells like the plague
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
