I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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