chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
