I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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