He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
