i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
