Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
