Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
