dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
