I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I cut my penus on the lid.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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