oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
