If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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