Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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