I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
