$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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